8.02.2005
looky thar, mama! I done made it onto teh internets!
Finally, the feckers at OverheardinDublin.com post one of my stories.
's about time. And it's not even one of the funnier ones I sent in. Those two are as follows:
1) Erin, directrix extraordinaire of la Hedwig, told me this one during rehearsal one day. Her first time in Ireland, she was somewhere in the country, staying with a family for a few days, and she wondered aloud one afternoon about whether or not tanning beds were popular or easy to find in Ireland. The mistress of the house, a gravel-voiced chain-smoking Proper Irish Mam, told Erin to wait right there; she came back with a tube of self-tan, slathered some on Erin's arm, and rasped, 'Wait a few hours, you'll be tan.' Erin said thanks. Mam, in reply:
*takes drag off cigarette* 'I just saved you from cancer.' *exhales smoke in her face*
Irish medicine at its finest.
2) Last month, on day two of the shoot for Vittoria's short film (on day one I got stripped naked, painted white, and ran around amidst fake smoke in a pigtailed fuzzy red wig in Vittoria's mother's dungeon [long story]), we were in a laneway just behind Christchurch, and attracting a lot of local characters since we were again painted white with crazy red wigs (though, thankfully, we were clothed). Most were just down and out, mouthy, blotchy, lumpy, off-their-heads types who all thought they possessed delightful, sparkling wit in commenting on how weird we looked, but then towards the end we attracted two little boys, probably about 8 years old, who immediately started trying to direct the film as though it were a porno. 'You start humping her! You take all your clothes off!' etc. The one non-Matthew Barney-esque character was a nun, in full nunly regalia, so we thought we could get the kids to quit being dirty by convincing them she was a real nun. They weren't exactly buying it. They were having far too much fun trying to get us to have sex with each other.
We ran into a problem with one shot--the nun had to run straight towards the camera and fill up the whole frame with her black costume so the director could use the shot to cut to something else, but her gleaming white crucifix kept getting in the way. One of the boys suggested that she use the bible she was carrying to cover the crucifix and it ended up working great. The boy then exclaimed, 'See?! Deh Boible CAN be useful!'
The nun cracked up laughing and that ruined any illusion that she was the genuine article. But we let the kids stay anyway. ¶ 11:41 AM
's about time. And it's not even one of the funnier ones I sent in. Those two are as follows:
1) Erin, directrix extraordinaire of la Hedwig, told me this one during rehearsal one day. Her first time in Ireland, she was somewhere in the country, staying with a family for a few days, and she wondered aloud one afternoon about whether or not tanning beds were popular or easy to find in Ireland. The mistress of the house, a gravel-voiced chain-smoking Proper Irish Mam, told Erin to wait right there; she came back with a tube of self-tan, slathered some on Erin's arm, and rasped, 'Wait a few hours, you'll be tan.' Erin said thanks. Mam, in reply:
*takes drag off cigarette* 'I just saved you from cancer.' *exhales smoke in her face*
Irish medicine at its finest.
2) Last month, on day two of the shoot for Vittoria's short film (on day one I got stripped naked, painted white, and ran around amidst fake smoke in a pigtailed fuzzy red wig in Vittoria's mother's dungeon [long story]), we were in a laneway just behind Christchurch, and attracting a lot of local characters since we were again painted white with crazy red wigs (though, thankfully, we were clothed). Most were just down and out, mouthy, blotchy, lumpy, off-their-heads types who all thought they possessed delightful, sparkling wit in commenting on how weird we looked, but then towards the end we attracted two little boys, probably about 8 years old, who immediately started trying to direct the film as though it were a porno. 'You start humping her! You take all your clothes off!' etc. The one non-Matthew Barney-esque character was a nun, in full nunly regalia, so we thought we could get the kids to quit being dirty by convincing them she was a real nun. They weren't exactly buying it. They were having far too much fun trying to get us to have sex with each other.
We ran into a problem with one shot--the nun had to run straight towards the camera and fill up the whole frame with her black costume so the director could use the shot to cut to something else, but her gleaming white crucifix kept getting in the way. One of the boys suggested that she use the bible she was carrying to cover the crucifix and it ended up working great. The boy then exclaimed, 'See?! Deh Boible CAN be useful!'
The nun cracked up laughing and that ruined any illusion that she was the genuine article. But we let the kids stay anyway. ¶ 11:41 AM
